


A Thousand Sunsets

by Qualitytrashtho



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Found Family, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-07-07 23:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19859536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qualitytrashtho/pseuds/Qualitytrashtho
Summary: Lena learns not all sunsets have to be an end, but some are a beginning instead.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!

Lena regrets she could only vaguely remember the warmth that radiated from her birth mother, only vaguely remember her soft brown eyes and delicate hands as soft as the earths soil. Where Lillian Luthor's hands were calloused and bruising, her mothers were smooth and kind. Lena knew that much, she felt it when the wind blew and gently grazed her cheeks, it was like her mother saying hello—she smiled every time. She remembers her mothers eyes, where Lillians were cold and calculating, icy like the permafrost in a tundra, Lena's mothers were gooey brown and freckled with golden flecks. She knew as much because she remembered her mothers golden flecks shimmering under the suns gaze, like a glass of bottle honey sitting on a window sill basking in the suns breath. 

_"I want your eyes!" A young Lena exclaimed. A quiet laugh Lena could no longer hear the sound of echoed. But the graze of warm hands against her cheeks Lena fondly remembers._

_"You're eyes are beautiful my darling," Lena wish she could remember the voice, but the memory is too far gone, like a whisper in the wind._

She wished she had her eyes, but instead she had her fathers genes, Luthor's genes, (later on someone would tell her of the flecks of gold hidden in her sea green eyes, but that was later and this is now). She wished she had more of those warm memories, where she felt encased and secured with love. She wished for it more than ever when she came across the shadowy Luthor mansion. The house was bigger than anything Lena's little eyes had ever seen. There was so much space-space that Lena couldn't remember having at her old place. Lex said it was a luxury, but Lena disagreed. It felt more like a cavern, hollow and cold. 

She especially wished for those fond memories to come back when she came across Lillian Luthor's calculating gaze-always scrutinizing always unimpressed (at least with Lena, never with Lex). On especially bad nights, when Lillians calloused knuckles would meet Lena's cheeks, she would try to remember her mothers warm hands and golden flecks, trying to heal the wound Lillian split open.

If Lena tried hard enough, she could almost hear the sound of her mothers voice outside of her dreams. Lena would fall asleep, with tears rolling down a split lip and bruised cheek, she thought of her mother and desperately tried to hold onto her, but even the Luthor mansion managed to take that too. Fear became all that Lena knew.

Soon Lena would forget about the summer haze that centered around her mother. Instead of dreaming of her mothers gentle laugh, Lena would dream of her fearful screams, telling Lena to get help as she sunk below an icy lake, with waters as dark as sapphire and as unforgiving as the devil himself. She dreamed of her loving hands turning cold at the waters icy hold, she dreamed of her golden flecks in her eyes looking at Lena one last time before she slipped under the current, to the bottom of the lake, where the suns rays could no longer reach her gaze. 

Eventually Lena refused to sleep, and when she did, she no longer dreamed. 

Something about the Luthor's poisoned even Lena's happiest memories, they were like a drop of ink falling into a glassy lake, spreading like a disease and slowly turning it black. So she learned to bury her happy moments. _To protect them,_ she thought. 

Lena put them in boxes that would lock like a safe. But after awhile, even Lena forgot where she hid the key and could no longer unlock what she sealed away: in the end, she figured it was for the best. 

The closest Lena got to happiness was Lex, even that was questionable, but he was the only one who showed any interest in Lena. They played chess and built inventions that would save the world, or so Lena would claim only for Lex to laugh in her face. Sometimes he wouldn't though, sometimes, on his good days, he would rub her head and smile.

_"Yeah Lee, we'll make the world a better place."_

_"Pinkie promise?" Lena held out her hand, Lex laughed, it almost sounded like her mothers carefree one, almost._

_"Promise."_

And some nights, when Lillian was especially cruel, he would sneak into her room and hold her tight, telling her she was alright, that she was good, that she was strong, and that Lillian loved her in her own way. (Lena believed him, it would take her years to learn Lillian was not love, but the antithesis of it). He would bring her her favorite stuffed animal that Lillian got for Lex on Lena's birthday, at some point he left it to her care, saying when he wasn't there she could hold onto it and pretend like he was.

All of that came to a screeching halt however when Lex discovered Superman. He threw himself into madness that only festered overtime until it swallowed him whole. Lena watched, slowly, for the second time in her life as another loved one drowned and was swept away by the currents of an unforgiving sapphire blue sea. He left home and broke his promise, bringing destruction and death in his wake. When Lena heard the news she placed his stuffed animal in a box and buried it in the back of his closet in his room and locked the door. She tucked away the memory of Lex, buried that too and put it away in _a safe place._ Lillian was no help, and if anything she was the current, driving everything Lena loved under to the oceans floor. 

Lena herself began to feel like she was drowning, she was thirteen when she first realized it. It happened when Lillian berated her again one night, and her calloused fingers wrapped around Lena's neck choking the breath out of her until she saw black spots dancing all around. Lena remembers watching the imprints of Lillian's individual fingers blossom across her skin, but most importantly she remembers feeling nothing at all. And that's when it hit Lena, that just like Lex and just like her mother, Lena was Lillians next victim; already she was numb from the cold waters and accepting of the stinging pain. 

She cried herself to sleep that night, not because of the bruising on her neck, but because not matter how hard she tried, she couldn't bring back the warmth of her mothers gentle hands and golden flecks. 

The tears didn't stop for awhile, nor did the abuse. Lena didn't think it could get any worse, until Lillian claimed another victim, her father, a thinly veil shield between her and Lillian. 

Lionel was by no means a good father, but he wasn't cruel like Lillian, even though he was a drunk he still tried to care for Lena, remembered her birthday, took her out to buy ice cream when he was sober. When he died followed by Lex's demise, Lena felt the chain around her neck draw tighter and the currents rougher. Lillian beat her like never before those first few weeks, usually it was an occasional backhanded slap for talking out of turn, but now Lena couldn't so much as breathe without meeting an onslaught of fists. 

Thats how Lena mastered the art of invisibility. 

In Lena's eyes the sun had officially set, leaving behind a sky full of varying purple hues; she swore she would never see it rise again. 

(Except for a brief moment in time, a moment that Lena had buried so far deep, she forgot the box even existed). 

Her name was Veronica, and oh how Lena hated and loved her at the same time. She was unapologetic and loud, looking back on it, she was just as manipulative and abusive as Lillian, which is probably why Lena was drawn to her. Abuse was the only love Lena could remember by the time she was sixteen. Lena was blinded with each passing look, smile, touch and like an innocent butterfly unable to see a spiders web she fell deeper and deeper under Veronica's spell. She was impossible to resist, Veronica smelt like jasmine that bloomed during hazy fun summers; reminded Lena of another life that she faintly remembered living at one point. 

Maybe if she remembered her mother’s love and not Lillians Lena wouldn't have looked at Veronica like she was the one who brought out the sunrise, who made the moon glow, who lit up the pitch black sky with golden flecks in the form of bright stars. Deeper she fell, and when Veronica kissed her during a sunrise at one of their spots, Lena swore she died. Only if she kept in mind with every sunrise there will always be a sunset. 

They snuck around for some time whispering sweet nothings that meant everything to Lena, and nothing to Veronica. They would laugh together and love together, they would share secret smiles and longing looks in the school hallways, and in their secret places where there were no cameras or people they would kiss like their worlds were burning, like the earth beneath was going to give out and it'd be their last kiss. Bruising and passionate, but lovely nonetheless. 

It was perfect, until Nancy Cromwell stumbled across the two when she went for a smoke behind the school, and then Lena's world crumbled and Lena learned what she thought was an escape from madness was a spiders web, and Veronica was the black widow waiting to bite off her head. 

As fast as Veronica lured Lena in, she tossed her out, joining in on the torment of other students. She pretended that Lena was the one that _kissed her_ and that she was just as surprised as everybody else, most people bought the lie because they were too stupid to think any further, but those who didn't, like Nancy Cromwell who swore she saw Veronica kissing Lena back, suddenly disappeared and reappeared in a new school under a new name. Veronica turned out to be just as cold as the currents Lena was drowning in.

Despite the harsh looks and endless taunting, Lena knew it would compare to nothing when Lillian found out, and sure enough she did. The worse part was that Lena would have to tell Lillian soon, or else someone else might and her beating-punishment-might be even worse. But Lena couldn't do it, every time she tried she felt like someone stuffed cotton balls down her throat, making her tongue heavy and clumsy. 

"M-m-mom I-" She'd try during dinner, when the house was quiet and all Lena could hear was her pounding heart. A part of her was excited, a small sliver actually thought Lillian wouldn't mind, _oh the naivety_ she'd think. 

"Speak up, you know how I feel about stuttering, it's unbecoming of a Luthor," Lillian would cut Lena down before she could start, oh how Lena wished for her real mother then. _There were a lot of things unbecoming of a Luthor, and being gay was definitely one of them._

It wasn't until a month later when Lena flinched out the sound of a door slamming shut and the sharp clicks of Lillian's heels. Even the maids scattered like cockroaches in the dark. 

"Lena!" Lena felt her heart beat rapidly out of her chest, she felt it sink to the bottom when Lillian’s murderous gaze fell on her, gone was the sun. 

She whimpered once when Lillian’s hand fell down upon her cheek tumbling Lena out of the chair.

"Mom please!" She tried, but the beating didn't stop. Lillian grabbed Lena's shirt and shoved her against the wall. 

"How dare you! After everything I've done for you!" Lillian’s hands wrapped around Lena's neck, she couldn't breath. "You are not gay! Do you understand me!" Lillian shook her violently. Lena nodded once. She threw her down and began beating her with closed fists, "Say it! Say you're not gay!"

"I'm not gay!" Each blow to her face and body was followed by the same mantra that night, "I'm not gay! I'm not gay!" _Lena Luthor is not gay._ Just like when Lena believed Lex when he told her Lillian loves her in her own way, Lena believed the mantra that day. She only ever wanted to live up to Lillian's expectations. 

When she was done, Lillian locked her in the pantry closet, promising to let her out when she knew for a fact she wasn't gay. All night long Lena repeated the same words in her head, _I'm not gay I'm not gay I'm not gay. Lena Luthor is not gay._

When the sun rose the next morning and Lillian let a battered Lena out of the closet, she knew two things: She wasn't gay and the current finally drowned her. 

At the bottom of the ocean Lena lied looking up at the thick sheet of ice keeping her down under. Nothing, could thaw it out, until a woman that reminded Lena a lot of the sun strolled into her office looking every bit out of place but every bit perfect-and just like that Lena could see the beginning of a sunrise. 

"Ms. Luthor," Clark Kent’s steely demeanor did anything but faze Lena, she was used to it by then. It was Kara, that made her lose her train of thought, there she stood unsure and apprehensive, but nevertheless friendly towards Lena, something she wasn't use to. Her eyes were crystal, not ice, and they were playfully dancing under the sun’s gaze. 

"Ms. Danvers, I didn't see your name in the by-line," Lena smiled at the young girls charming blush.

"Oh well, I'm-I'm not a reporter," Kara replied.

"Well you could've fooled me," Lena took pleasure in the light blush radiating throughout Kara's features, she couldn't help it. A small smile was plastered on Lena's face for the rest of the day. It wasn't until her mother called later that evening that it disappeared and she remembered something very important: _Lena Luthor is not gay._

To her surprise and dismay Kara Danvers decided to stick around for awhile. Lena did everything she could to keep Kara at bay, but Kara was the sunrise and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. That was the scary part for Lena, Kara was the sunrise and she knew like with everyone else who was the sun at one point or another in her life, she would set and leave, it was only a matter of time. 

Lena tried to stop herself from enjoying Kara's presence then, never revealing all of herself to the blonde, (if she was being honest she wouldn't know how to). By time Kara got to her Lena had boxes for everything, for every emotion she could feel and Lena lost the key. 

Yet, somehow Kara found the keys she kept scattered across her brain, she found it in her heart. 

When Lillian was finally convicted for being the head of Cadmus Lena shut herself away warring with feelings of guilt and happiness, love and hate. It was Kara who ended up breaking down the door and getting pass Jess, it was Kara who found her drunk on her balcony peering into the bottomless city. It was Kara who didn't say a word when she saw the tears staining her cheeks, just like when she was a little girl. It was Kara who wrapped her arms around Lena and used her shoulder as a rock, as someplace safe for Lena to mutter all things she couldn't say sober.

It was Kara that brought her to her couch and laid with her, who told her it was okay, that she was enough, that she was loved .

It was Kara Danvers that chased away the shadows Lena's walls would cast, that ran through the cracks of her defenses and held her close. Kara, it was all Kara, she was thawing the ice and Lena was terrified. She's long forgotten how to breath since going under. And as the beat of life continued Lena was happy. Everything was fine hitting all the majors notes, until it the beat dropped and minor's started to sound.

"Lena! The zoo! They have new otters and I think it's our duty to greet them!" Lena smiled adoringly at Kara, not at all surprised by her sudden burst into her office. 

_Be careful Lena._

Lena smirked and folded her arms, one eyebrow raising in a challenge. "Is it now?" Kara stood her ground, resolutely nodding her head in a yes movement. Lena knew if she tried to continue working Kara would drag her out herself, so to save them both the trouble, she grabbed her purse and told Jess to reschedule some appointments. 

"Oh course Ms. Luthor," her assistant complied. Kara bounded towards the elevator eagerly holding the doors with one hand and reaching for Lena with the other.

"Ok ok! I'm sorry not all of us are as fast as you!" Kara huffed.

"It's your heels, speaking of which if we're going to the zoo, you need shoes," Lena laughed out loud, something she only really did with Kara.

"These are shoes!"

"We're getting you sneakers," Kara said with finality as she pressed for the ground floor. Lena's smile faded.

" _Luthor's don't wear sneakers, it's unbecoming."_

Lena looked over at Kara just as the soft glow of the evening lit up her hair turning each strand to gold.

_Luthor's also aren't gay._

_I'm not gay._

Lena swallowed and tried to calm her heart, despite the spontaneity of the moment, she was starting to think going anywhere with Kara is a mistake. She's floating back up to the surface, the ice is melting, and Lena can't have that. 

_I don't deserve it._

Looking back on it, Lena probably overacted, the act itself was harmless (so was the lie she told herself), they were so caught up in the moment Lena completely missed it the opportunity to stop it, she was careless.

Kara was laughing and ogling at the otters and Lena, at the request of Kara was taking pictures of her. Each snap she took was another memory snapped into existence permanently. There were no imaginary boxes for the photos in her hands. At some point Kara made her way over to Lena, both started laughing at the silly faces the girl made.

Lena remembers the way the light hit Kara's hair, how the sun danced in her eyes and blue turned to turquoise to almost green. They were eating ice cream, and a drop fell on Kara's chin, it was instinct really, it was what Lena told herself when she reached out and swiped it away, Kara's brilliant smile turning soft, the moment turning into something more intimate. Their hands grazed each other, gentle fingers brushing against calloused knuckles. 

But these hands didn't bring pain, they brought happiness, warmth, the smell of lavender, they brought out the sun, something Lena craved. 

They intertwined, Lena wasn't sure who did it but she remembers the excitement coursing through her veins when Kara stepped forward, when she tugged Lena closer with her hands. When she whispered something that sounded a lot like the word beautiful, when Lena reached up and swept one of Kara's blonde locks away, when their gazes met and Lena felt like the ends of her fingertips were on fire, like she could touch Kara and everything around them would burn. 

_"Say it! I want to hear you say it!"_

_"Luthor's aren't gay!"_

And then Lena was pulling back, the excitement coursing through her now replaced with fear. 

The moment was so fragile, so intimate, that when Lena pulled back it was like a snow globe had shattered on cold tile floor, with its center piece being her and Kara surrounded by shards of glass. The fragility and happiness of the moment destroyed by Lena herself.

"Lena…"

Lena felt the ice freeze right back over, felt herself get sucked right back under. "I'm sorry Kara I'm not, I can't, I'm sorry." 

She remembered the frown on Kara's face, the confusion, and most importantly the pain-and that was something Lena couldn't bear to see, so she ran away. Lena ran away from what she thought was another spider web, she ran west, towards the sunset. 

Silence, radio silence for days, Lena wasn't sure if she appreciated it or not but she never dwelled on it for too long, especially with the Daxamites trying to take over the world. 

She worked hard trying to help Agent Danvers and Supergirl find a way to take back national city. The only times she thought of Kara was when she looked at her sister Alex, saw the understanding in her eyes instead of spite, and somehow for Lena that was worse. 

It wasn't until the attempted invasion was over, and the hero's had won sending the villains away into the unknown with their tails between their legs that it all caught up to Lena. No matter what Lena tried, no single box could hold the memory of Kara Danvers, she was impossible to bury. 

Not knowing how to cope, she resorted to Lionel's method of self-medication. With a whiskey in one hand and the feeling of success and failure on the other Lena made her office home for the night. Drink after drink she felt looser and looser, careless and free. The anger subsided leaving Lena with the feeling of nothingness, just an ache in her chest numbed by the alcohol. 

Stumbling Lena made it to her balcony, she looked over the railing and smiled down at the citizens below and waved her drink in the air. 

"We did it!" She laughed, no response came, a gentle breeze brushed against her cheek. Lena closed her eyes, tears rolled down her face.

"Mom! Mom is that you? Are you proud of me?" The wind blew stronger pushing Lena against the railing, more tears fell down her face. "I miss you mom," she whispered, letting the gentle breeze carry the weight of her secrets.

It had been years since Lena opened the box labeled mom, but that night it seemed inevitable. The summer haze came back in full force, her mother’s hands loving and gentle like rich soil falling through the cracks of her fingers. Her eyes golden and lively. And her laugh, Lena could hear it this time, the carefree nature of it, the heart warming ambiance of laughter mingling with her own childish one. She missed it.

Lena looked down at the city below, the sirens and horns morphing into her mother’s screams of terror as she drowned in sapphire blue waters, as the current carried her away. "Mom!" Lena leaned over the railing some more, thinking she could reach her, she held out her hand, _so close._

And then she was falling. The wind whipped around her and Lena screamed, screamed as the icy blue waters got closer and closer. But she never touched it, the wind around her stopped howling in her ears, and instead of falling she was flying. 

Lena looked up, and realized she fell into the arms of a turquoise ocean hidden behind black frames. "Kara," Lena clumsily answered. 

_"You know I hate it when you do that Lena, speak up!"_

_"Yes mother."_

They landed on the balcony with a soft thud. Lena was still disoriented but she was angry enough to push Kara away. "You're-you-you lied!"

"Lena please," Kara begged, "I was going to tell you I promise, please don't be angry."

Lena laughed bitterly, Kara flinched. "Angry? No Kara I'm furious you lied to me! You're family took everything from me! You took Lex from me! You-"

"Lena I know you don't believe that," Kara stepped forward as Lena stepped back. Her whole body was shaking.

_She's right, Lillian took him from you._

"I was going to tell you at the zoo, I swear but then, you ran away after we almost-"

"No! There was no almost anything! Luthor's don't do that," Lena pushed Kara back, the hero didn't even move. "I hate you!" Like Lillian Lena brought down fury of fists banging and hitting Kara, the blonde didn't move. She absorbed Lena's anger like sponge, knowing it wasn't really directed at her.

"I h-hate you!" Lena hiccuped. Concerned she was going to hurt herself, Kara grabbed Lena's fists and brought them to her chest. Lena continued to cry. 

"Lena don't do this. Just tell me what's really going on here?"

"You!" Lena pulled away. "You with your-your smiles and your sunny personality, and your honesty, and your love, you! You drawing me in and-and-" Lena fell backwards.

"Lena!" Kara ran to her side, kneeled down and picked her up. In her despair, the CEO buried her face in Kara's neck while she walked her over to the office couch. Carefully Kara placed her down. She kneeled in front of Lena, who hid her face in her hands, it was something Kara could barely live to see.

"Lena please talk to me, everything was fine until we, until that day at the zoo," Kara chose her words carefully, not wanting to set Lena off. Her heart bled for the other in that moment. 

Delicately, she wrapped her fingers around Lena's wrist, pulling her hands away from her face revealing the tears falling down Lena's cheeks.

Lena sniffled, everything in her burned with shame, the beating Lillian gave her played through her mind. In between the memories, Lena heard Kara talking, coaxing her to be honest.

_It's ok Lena._

"I'm not gay, Luthor's aren't gay," Lena managed to get out. "Lillian-Lillian told me I'm not gay, so I-I-" Kara's heart broke.

"Oh Lena," She pulled the girl in for a hug, holding her tight encasing her in a blanket of love and security. Kara forced Lena to look at her, "Lena, whatever Lillian did, because I know there's more to this, it doesn't matter now, she can't get to you here, not unless you let her."

"It's so hard, she-" 

"Shhh, you'll tell me in the morning, when you're sober," that night Kara held her close. At some point she took Lena to her place and managed to find some pajamas for Lena, quietly Kara tucked Lena into her own bed and crawled in after her. Lena's breathing slowed, she was asleep, or so Kara thought until a small thank you fell from the woman's lips. 

Kara smiled sadly and brushed a stray hair out of Lena's face, "Anything for you."

The two fell asleep in each others arms with Lena tucked under Kara's chin, and Kara's protective arm wrapped around her. 

Kara woke up to Lena's gaze, it was glassy like the the ocean, and golden like the sun, Kara swore she never saw anyone more beautiful than Lena. "Hi," Kara smiled hesitantly.

"Hi," Lena smiled back. "I'm sorry I-"

Kara silenced Lena with a kiss to her forehead, "Please stop apologizing Lena, you have no reason to be sorry," Kara watched Lena carefully, noting the denial written on her face. 

"Ok," It wasn't ok, Kara could tell, but the admittance was a start, even if Lena didn't believe it. Leaning forward Kara hesitated for a moment, the two stared at each other, and then Lena nodded once. Kara smiled and leaned down slightly, she kissed Lena's cheeks, trailed her lips up to Lena's forehead where she left a sure kiss, left a trail of kisses down to her chin, across the edge of her jaw, to the top of her nose, and the soft spot under her eyes and above her lips. Kara never wanted to stop, and Lena didn't want her too. 

They spent all day together, lounging in Kara's apartment, laughing at each other, holding each other, and Lena realized for the first time in a long time, what love is. Kara was the key to the boxes she long forgot how to open. 

Later, under the sunset, the two stood on Kara's rooftop garden. Kara wrapped her arms around Lena from behind, Lena giggled, Kara smiled into her neck, "What?"

Lena turned to the blonde, their eyes met, but this time there was no resistance, no walls, just sunlight and pure bliss. 

She leaned up and kissed Kara, before she could really think about it. The blonde seemed surprised, but only for a moment before she kissed back. Her lips were smooth and so so soft, they were gentle and loving as they cupped Lena's upper lip. Lena felt her chest constrict, felt her body turn towards Kara, felt her hands tangle in blonde locks and pull her closer. 

This kiss was different for Lena, it didn't feel like the world was about to fall apart, or like Lena was about to set on fire. No, she felt the world steady instead, felt the earth beneath her for the first time, felt her fingertips warm, not burn. 

When Lena turned back around she watched the last drips of sunlight disappear behind the horizon. But it was ok, the sun could set because Lena knew it would rise in the morning, she knew no matter what, the sun would always be there, Kara would always be there. 


	2. Chapter 2

“Lena! We'll be late for the event!" Several months had passed and Lena was doing significantly better, (it didn't mean she was ok, but she was doing better and that's what mattered). 

"I'm coming darling!" Lena stood prim and proper in front of Kara's bathroom mirror. Her hands shaking as she tried to put in her earrings. She was doing better, but she wasn't better, her anxiety lingered and so did the flashbacks, but she was trying. The earring in her hand slipped, clanking against the bathroom sink and circling the drain, Lena sighed, her hands shook, tonight wasn’t going to be a night. 

"Lena?" Kara popped her head in, a frown tugging her eyebrows down. "You ok?" 

Lena hated when Kara asked if she was ok, it reminded Lena that she wasn't, that she was constantly fighting to be ok, _that she was a burden._

_'You're not a burden Lena.' She could hear Kara telling her, countless times, it was taking a while for the thought to become a reality._

She smiled over at Kara and reached out tugging on the thin and elegant fabric of her dress, catching the hero off guard, something Lena loved doing. But tonight was different, tonight she was trying to hide her shaking hands. "I'm doing fine, promise," The lie tumbled easily from Lena's mouth. She placed a chaste kiss on Kara's lips when noticing some of the concern still holding Kara back, ' _I'm ok,'_ she was trying to say. Kara got the message, whining when Lena pulled away. 

"Let me put my earrings in, we're going to be late if I don't," Lena explained. Kara raised her eyebrows in response, a mischievous look on her face. 

"I'm okay with that," she moved forward but Lena held out her hand.

"Baby no, I have investors to see," still, she giggled when Kara pulled her closer and tucked her face into the crook of her neck. Lena shivered when she felt Kara's lips graze the sensitive skin there, a smile shining in her eyes.

"Ok," Kara mumbled half heartedly, she left her alone after a little more half hearted complaining from Lena, but not without jutting her lip out and stealing one last kiss on Lena's cheek. Lena rolled her eyes, but loved it nonetheless.

She got her earrings in, but her hands never stopped shaking. 

It only got worse when her and Kara pulled up to the Gala, the front entrance was hidden by a sea of reporters surrounding the car. Each flash that went off made Lena flinch, her mind felt like it was buzzing, being pulled in a million places all at once.

A hand landed on Lena's, she looked up to find a reassuring smile directed at her, "You ready?" Kara checked, not entirely sure if Lena was feeling up to the task.

_‘No.’_

Lena nodded her head ‘yes’ once, Kara didn't believe her. She squeezed Lena's hand and pulled her closer to her side. "Kara they can see," Lena rushed out about as fast as she heard the shuttering of camera lenses. Lena's shaking got worse, _I can't be gay I can't—_

"Hey," turquoise met sea green and calloused knuckles brushed against delicate smooth skin. "It doesn't matter if they can see us, that’s ok, we're ok," Kara rubbed a hand soothingly down Lena's arm, trying to calm her nerves.

"I know I'm sorry I just–" _Get nervous, freakout, feel like everything is about to slip through my fingers and—_

A kiss to Lena’s lips, it was a welcomed surprise. She felt the earth beneath her steady and the warmth of Kara's hands transfer to her own. ' _Everything is ok,'_ Kara was trying to convey.

Kara pulled back slightly, her lips still ghosting over Lena's, she tucked a stray strand of hair behind Lena's ears. "Okay?"

Lena nodded, the shaking didn't stop completely, but at least she could feel the earth beneath her feet. "Ok then, let's go. I got you baby," another kiss to her nose and Kara was leading them both out of the car. 

Lena thought about the kiss in the car on her way out, ' _Those pictures will be worth something soon,' she couldn't help think._

The reporters were held back by railings on either side of Lena and Kara, Lena wished their questions were too.

"Ms. Luthor do you still speak with your brother?" One asked.

"What about your mother?" Another followed.

' _I haven't talked to that bitch in years.' Lena felt a wave of guilt follow the thought._ ' _She clothed me, housed me, fed me, how could I think that?'_ It was the same dangerous reasoning Lena gave herself every time she spoke badly about Lillian. It was almost like a severe case of Stockholm syndrome, aside from the abuse, Lena couldn't help but remember the times Lillian would surprise her with new clothes or take Lena out to her favorite place to eat. Before Lionel died, it wasn't an uncommon occurrence, she only hit Lena when she was drunk or after a fight with him. But then Lionel died, things got worse, Lena was a constant reminder of Lionel and his sins, and that was too much for Lillian to bear. 

' _She just didn't know how to express herself,' So went the lie Lena told herself._

_'She took care of me, for the most part.' Lena figured._

_'But she never loved you.' A voice whispered in the back of Lena's mind, she tucked it away, in another box._

Despite Kara managing to unpack all of Lena's boxes, good and bad, there were some she could never find, they were buried so deep in Lena's mind it’s like they never existed, Lillian was one those boxes. 

"Ms. Luthor is it true you stopped working on the alien detection device? Why the switch? Is it because of your _girlfriends reporting?_ " the reporter borderline sneered. Lena could hear his judgement from a mile away.

Her neck flushed crimson red, she still wasn't use to people knowing about her and Kara, this was only their third outing as _out._ More shame flooded through Lena when Kara picked up her pace knowing how Lena struggled with her own sexuality. It took weeks with a therapist before Lena could even say the word _gay_ in reference to herself. She made progress however, but there were moments when Lillian’s voice would creep out from whatever box Lena put her in and the fear and shame would rush back in like a tidal wave, cold unforgiving sapphire blue waters would sweep through Lena and spider its way around her.

_"You're not gay!"_

Lena felt her anxiety spike, Kara caught her gaze, momentarily concerned as they posed for pictures. Even after all that time the chains that bounded Lena to Lillian were still hard to break.

Kara pulled Lena close, leaned down slightly and whispered, "It's alright," her lips brushing against the shell of Lena's ears as she said so.

A simple gesture and the tidal wave receded, Lena could never drown with Kara around, not with her turquoise eyes wrapping her up in an ocean of safety and love. Lena smiled lovingly at Kara, _openly,_ and Kara had no qualms about smiling back, tempted to place a kiss on Lena's smiling pink lips. 

And then it happened, and the tidal wave came back in full force. The tsunami fell from a reporters mouth suddenly and carelessly tilting the axis of Lena's world. Her question caused Kara to flinch and Lena to freeze.

"Is it true you were abused!" The raucous of the crowd lulled for a brief moment, Lena heard it, the sharp intaking of breaths, a pause in the clicking of cameras, her heart beating out of her chest. Time stood still for a millisecond, so fragile, like a delicate leaf about to disrupt a glassy lake, carelessly falling—falling—falling. 

It was when the petal hit the surface of that fragile glassy lake that the waves erupted and spread dangerously in its wake. The uproar started not long after: the questions came at Lena faster, the clicking of cameras turned rapid, and the reporters got louder. Lena felt like she had been split in two for the tabloids to see. 

' _I'm basically fresh meat.'_

Her mind went blank.

Lena wasn't sure when her and Kara stepped into the building, or if Kara's voice was the one trying to bring her back to earth. All Lena knew in that moment was every box she tucked so neatly away, buried, and tucked away on ordered shelves came back from the dead and crashing down. It was like doing damage control in her brain. 

"Lena, baby, I need you to breathe," worried blue eyes and a concerned voice pierced through Lena's panic. 

' _Kara,' Lena looked around for a moment, noticing empty stalls and bathroom sinks. 'Oh, I'm in a bathroom.'_

Lena's vision focused. She could see her reflection in the marble walls and tiles, noticed a black streak of marble splitting her in half. She saw herself drowning again, fighting the currents only to be pulled under, and she saw Kara, right next to her, trying to save her. 

"Lena," Kara tried again. She shook her head once, trying to rid the thoughts until later that night.

"I'm okay, I just," Lena pressed her fingertips to the back of her head, where a future headache was making home, "I-I needed a moment," Kara nodded her head slowly. Cautiously, Kara pulled Lena into a hug resting her chin on top of Lena's head. Lena wrapped her arms weakly around Kara, using her like a balancing bar.

"Alright baby?" Kara asked again, Lena nodded her head ‘yes,’ (she didn't know answering 'no' was an option). 

_"Luthor's never ask for help Lena," Lillian scolded a young Lena who had scraped her knee falling off her bike. Lillian made her go without any bandaging for the whole evening, getting upset when Lena's blood dripped on the marble tiled floor. In the end, it was Lex who snuck into her room and patched Lena up, it was always Lex._

The furlong look in Lena's eyes Kara recognized as another flashback. That's how she knew Lena wasn't ok, but Kara also knew it wasn't something she should bring up right then. Instead, she chose to hold Lena for as long as she let her. 

A moment later the bathroom door opened, someone slipped inside letting in a wave of cold air that hit both Kara and Lena, Lena already overwhelmed, pulled away from Kara. She steeled herself, her eyes landing on the intruder ready to defend herself and her girlfriend. 

"Woah, take it easy little Luthor," Alex Danvers strolled into view, smirking, with her hands held up in surrender. "I could feel your lasers melting my head!" Alex jested. Lena immediately felt her defenses drop and her eyes roll lovingly at the agents antics. 

"Alex! You came!" Kara took two strides and swept her sister up in her arms. Lena watched the two quietly, she remembered when Lex used to hug her like that.

"What are you doing Lena? Get in here," Alex held out an arm. Lena paused for a moment looking towards Kara who peered over Alex’s shoulder. Years later after her ordeal with the Luthor's and Lena was still apprehensive about affection, flinching every once and a while when a hand drew too close to her face too fast. (Sometimes she'd get flashbacks too). It was something both Danvers sisters picked up on, so they always made an effort not to startle Lena. An effort that was appreciated but also resented by Lena, she hated being so _fragile._ Lena looked back at Kara, still unsure what to do. 

' _It's ok,' Kara's eyes said._

So Lena found herself taking a step forward and was immediately enveloped in a strong hug. When they separated, Alex's focus fell onto Lena, who shifted under the attention, Lena hated moments like these, where she wasn't a CEO, and every part of her felt like she was on display. 

' _She heard the rumors already.'_

_'As if she didn't know,' something in Lena's mind said._

"You're back from the mission already!" Kara excitedly said, glad to have her sister back. Alex shrugged and smirked.

"Nothing I couldn't handle, some R&R really," Kara shook her head, the happiness about to come spilling out of her like an uncontrollable waterfall of joy. Lena on the other hand locked eyes with Alex for a brief moment when noting a burn revealed by the slit on her dress sitting pretty on her upper thigh. A strange telepathic exchange occurred between the two, something along the lines of ' _Don't tell Kara. We’ll talk later'_ Lena nodded, (Kara would find out anyways, she always had a nose for people who were hurting). 

"So why are we hiding in a bathroom?" Alex asked after the banter ended. Lena cast her gaze down, a blush running through her, Kara squeezed her hand. 

"The reporters, were ah, a little rough with their questions," Kara faltered.

Alex nodded in understanding at the unsaid words, "Ah yes, there are some whispers circulating in the room right now." 

Lena's heart picked up again, her eyes meeting Alex's understanding one, _she really hated moments like that._

"Oh?" Lena asked. 

"Yeah, they're all conspiring to know if Lena Luthor paid the hot 'FBI detective' to spy on their shady dealings," Alex answered playfully. Kara giggled, her arms wrapping around Lena who laughed freely. _Her shaking stopped momentarily._

"Is that so? Well I should get out there before they all freak. Business people, they're like skittish addicts," Lena joked. Alex raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh and how would you know Luthor? Some shady dealings you want to admit to?" Another joke, another laugh, another smile, and Lena no longer felt like shattered glass. 

"I can't admit to anything detective, I plea the fifth," Lena smartly replied. 

Alex scoffed, "Got an answer for everything huh?"

"She does," Kara responded looking fondly at Lena. 

Alex rolled her eyes at the two, "Ugh, you guys make me sick, I'm going to get a drink," she made for the door, stopping for a moment to let Lena and Kara catch up. Kara looked down at Lena, her eyebrows shooting up in question.

"Ready?" Lena smiled shyly and nodded once before dragging Kara towards the exit. 

"You're not having a drink without me," Lena shot back to Alex who made a beeline for the bar.

"Lena!" Kara exclaimed laughing softly as she did so.

"Trust me darling, when you meet these people you're going to wish you were human," Lena whispered once out of the bathroom. Like always Lena was right, but luckily for Kara, Alex brought something a little stronger, just in case. 'She had a feeling' the Gala would be a bore, to which Lena asked why she came, something she wished she didn't ask later on because Alex answered it easily, as if stating two plus two equals four she replied, _"Anything for family."_

_Lena definitely didn't see that one coming. She had a hard time seeing herself integrated into any family._

She blushed shyly at the answer to which Alex cast her a sympathetic look, no doubt figuring out what had Lena so unnerved earlier that night. _Lena really wished people could stop seeing through her._

_'But that’s what happens when surrounded by sunrises like Kara, there isn't a shadow that isn't uncovered.'_

As the night continued, Kara and Alex became progressively uncoordinated. At first it was funny watching Kara 'get crossed' as Alex put it, but when Kara started swaying even after the Gala music had stopped, Lena decided it was best for them to head home. 

Before leaving, she made the rounds saying goodbye while lugging a swaying Kara and mumbling Alex along. 

When Lena said goodbye to some of her investors she couldn't help but notice the approving looks of some and disapproving looks of others when they discreetly glanced at Lena's and Kara's entwined hands. (Lena tried not to think of icy blue eyes and cold ocean floors when met with disapproving looks. Tried not to let her own shame burn through her). 

Regardless of the slight distaste some evidently held, ever the well trained CEO Lena showed nothing but kindness and gratitude, even if she felt each judgmental looks’ wear on her mask as the night wore on. 

It wasn't long before they were stumbling out of the gala, meeting up with a few photographers still waiting around the corner hoping to catch a glance of a brooding and messy Luthor after the earlier debacle. 

"Is it true Ms. Luthor? Did your mother hurt you? Is that why Luthor's have the reputation they have?" Lena tensed at the question, quickening her pace. 

"Fuck off!" Lena heard Alex shout. "Unless you want your ass handed to you by an FB-"

"Alex!" Lena hissed, grabbing the woman by the wrist while Kara mumbled something incoherent by her side. "Trust me when I say that won't help neither me nor you."

"But you're family," Alex drunkenly whined. Lena stiffened, not entirely accepting of the fact. 

"Come on, let's get you drunks home," She ordered, shoving the two into her car.

"But you're drunk too!" Kara suddenly burst out saying. 

Lena shook her head. "Yes, but I'm not a light weight like you two." 

"Hey!" Both Danvers sisters shouted indignantly. (The truth was Lena stopped drinking months ago, she was trying to be better and decided to steer clear of alcohol, something Kara was unaware Lena had a slight problem with).

In the car Kara and Alex began bickering over who could stomach their alcohol better much to Lena's annoyance. 

_"You never drink Kara!" Alex fought back._

_"Yeah because I'm an alien!" Kara argued._

_"So what I'm hearing is you have an unfair advantage therefore I win," Alex concluded wearing a victorious look._

Lena sighed and placed her head against the tinted car window, it was going to be _a long ride._

Dropping Alex off was one thing, but getting a drunken Kryptonian up the stairs proved so difficult Lena made Kara swear in her drunken state she'd never drink again. Something Kara eagerly nodded her head 'yes' to, although Lena was pretty sure Kara could barely register what she was saying. Whatever Alex gave Kara was strong. Strong enough for Kara to nearly reveal her Superhero alter ego to her whole apartment complex. 

_"I can fly us up there! Watch!" Kara offered up as the duo entered the building._

_"Kara no!" Lena vehemently cried noticing her feet slowly lifting from the ground._

There was also the fact that Kara wanted to talk about the unexpected events of the night in her drunken state, something Lena wasn't ready to do even if she was sober. 

_"Lena?" Kara innocently asked as she tried to unlock Kara's door._

_"Mhm?" Lena mumbled._

_"Was the reporter telling the truth?" Kara finally asked the question that had burning a hole in the back of her thoughts that entire night. If it wasn't for Lena's innate grace and composure she would've dropped the keys on the floor._

_"Kara please, we'll talk about it in the morning I promise," She skirted around the question, hoping Kara would forget the next morning. (Lena always promised Kara she would talk about Lillian, to this day it was one of the few promises Lena consistently broke)._

The entertainment had long worn off for the night, all Lena could think about was getting Kara to bed as quietly as possible. Even that was difficult since Kara decidedly tossed herself into her apartment, banging a few pieces of furniture along the way, still Lena managed to get her dress off, pajamas on, and makeup off. Needless to say, somehow by the grace of the universe, she got Kara to sleep in her bed instead of the hardwood floor. 

Once Kara was asleep, Lena began the nights work of shedding her makeup and fancy dress, she found enjoyment in watching the CEO mask finally come off and finding comfort in Kara's oversized sweater for the night. 

The exhaustion from the event came crashing down on Lena as she settled in beside Kara. She closed her eyes, but she didn't sleep.

Lena tried to sleep, she really did. She could feel her own weariness tugging at the fringes of her sanity, but the anxiety she tucked away during the Gala came seeping back into her thoughts and spread like drops of poison through her veins. She felt the sweepings of an undercurrent, felt the beginnings of frostbite running up her legs. 

Lena closed her eyes, one last attempt at trying to get a good night’s rest. Blackness enveloped Lena, the feeling of Kara wrapped around her was slowly forgotten as Lena fell further into the darkness behind her eyelids. Her mind felt like it was made out of led, carrying the weight of too many secrets, ' _too many boxes.'_ It was the last coherent thought Lena had for the night, before she woke again in thin layer of sweat. 

_Laughter, Lena could recognize the warmth of her mother’s laugh anywhere. The memory was so fond Lena felt like a kid again, surrounded by the smell of orange blossoms and lavender, sweet nothings clothing her in a familiar summer haze._

_"Lena! That's cheating!" More laughing ensued. Lena heard her own laughter in the background, her voice was younger, still blossoming into the mature one she would have one day._

_"No it's not!" Lena answered haughtily, trying to keep a smile from taking over her. The sun was dipping below the horizon casting a mix of orange, pink, and purple hues melting into one another. Lena remembered looking at the pink hues slide into the purple ones and wondered why the color seemed so familiar._

_"Come on Lena!" Her mother was running now, Lena couldn't see the exact features of her face, but she remembered her eyes, those honey brown eyes._

_"Mom?" Lena's childish voice questioned. Her mom got closer to the ocean–no it's not an ocean it's a lake–Lena thought. She watched her splash among the sapphire waters, watched little droplets fly up into the air and glisten under the disappearing sun._

_"Lena! Come on!" Her mother shouted, but Lena couldn't move, she was rooted in the same spot. Off in the distance Lena saw it, saw the waters churning like a storm was coming and circling like a whirlpool was about appear. Lena saw the cruelty of the lake before her mother could, she tried to warn her._

_"Mom turn back! Mommy please don't go!"_

_"Lena?" Her mother stopped and stared confused, the gold in her eyes shimmering for a moment, and then the current picked up, and she was gone._

_"Mom!"_

_"Lena! Lena get help—Lena!" She couldn't move, she was stuck in the same spot. Lena tried to fight whatever chain was holding her in place. "Lena!" It was no use, Lena couldn't fight, she watched her mom hopelessly from the shore, watched tidal wave after tidal waver pull her under, watched the water start to freeze at the precipice of the shore, watched everything she loved drown at the bottom of the oceans floor._

_A hand clamped on Lena's shoulder just as she saw the last specks of gold disappear beneath the waters surface. Lena looked up, her eyes locking with cold icy ones, "Welcome to the Luthor's Lena."_

_"No!"_ Lena shot up in bed, her own voice unrecognizable to her, the fear from her dreams following her into reality. She shook her head, placed it in the palm of her hands.

Lena hadn't had a nightmare in years, somehow she managed to lock them away too. It was the reporter, the questions, it was all too much and Lena felt like the whole world was trying to open up her boxes, the ones labeled Pandora's box. It felt like they were trying to pry them open with crowbars and burn them with torches so the whole world could what type of disease Lena was infected with.

_Breathe Lena._

The city lights from the open shades fell along Lena's face, the starless inky night acted as a foreboding backdrop to the soft halo surrounding the moon. Lena closed her eyes realizing she wouldn't get any sleep for the night. Beside her a clumsy Kryptonian snored away sound asleep and unaware of Lena's demon's knocking at the foot of their bed. 

Falling into the sheets Lena frustratedly exhaled into the quiet night, wondering how, for the first time that night, the reporters knew about Lillian’s abuse. There was only one person who knew about it, and she was locked up in prison for being the head of an anti-alien organization. Lillian always placed vanity above all else, it didn't make sense for her to reveal family secrets. 

The Luthor's were seen like a doll house before shit went to hell and Lex lost his mind. To the rest of the world they were clean cut, sophisticated, and elegant–they were God's before Superman (something Lex couldn't handle, no longer being the center of attention). Lena knew better though, knew about the monsters hiding behind their doll faced masks. 

' _Lillian has no reason to talk to reporters, unless she's trying to hurt me. But she's hurting herself in the process, there's no winning by talking to the tabloids.'_

_'Unless she doesn't care anymore' a voice whispered. Unless she's just trying to hurt you for taking everything from her._

Lena shook her head back and forth, the feeling of a throbbing headache started to take over. There was no reason for Lillian to bother Lena, except for the sake of hurting her by putting her on display for the rest of the world to judge. 

' _What could she gain from that?'_

Lena looked over at Kara, her troubled thoughts halting momentarily at the sight of her love nearly falling off the bed, one arm extended towards Lena trying to reach and hold onto her even in her sleep. And then it hit Lena.

' _It's not what she has to gain, but what I have lose.'_

_"_ Kara," Lena shot up in bed again, her breathing picking up, the implications of Lillian's possible intentions sneaking up on her. There were so many secrets Lena kept hidden from Kara, so many hiding at the bottom of the oceans floor, some hiding in deep trenches not even Lena knew of. 

_Would Kara leave if she knew? Knew what? That's the problem of having so many packed boxes, you forget which one is which and they end up mislabeled and lost in the abyss. (The only way to right the labels is to open them up, something Lena was terrified of)._

The tumultuous dialogue going on in Lena's head only worsened her headache, in the end she never found sleep, just the promise of more anxiety.

An hour later the sun was peeking above the horizon, sunlight shot between the alleyways of buildings chasing away the shadows of the night. Bright orange tamed by a soft pink erupted across the horizon, it was beautiful. 

_Only if Lena knew it'd be her last sunrise for awhile._

Sitting at the kitchen table Lena was already up for the day, a coffee mug in one hand as her paranoid thoughts got the best of her.

She closed her eyes, already she could feel the tendrils of Lillian's manipulative games starting to snake around her feet and hands working its way around her neck. 

Lena sighed, it was going to be a long _week._

"Hey, you're up early," Kara commented offhandedly, clumsily walking in on Lena's disgruntled mood. Despite Kara's charming smile Lena could recognize the slight curiosity hedging Kara's tone. 

' _She's suspicious if I slept or not.'_ Kara knew about Lena's insomnia, that was a secret hard to keep after all the nights they spent together. She also knew about the nightmares, although Lena would never divulge what they were about, even though Kara would ask as she patiently held her at night. Regardless, Lena diverted Kara's attention away from herself, (something Lena did well considering how often she had to divert Lillian's attention away from her as a child). 

"That's what happens when you wake up sober and not hungover," Lena teased. Kara smacked Lena's shoulder slightly, rounding the kitchen island and pouring herself some coffee Lena had made earlier that morning (night). 

Lena tried to ignore the guilt that swelled inside her every time she pushed Kara away. ' _She's just trying to help.'_

"For your information I can't get hungover, so ha!" Kara retorted. Lena rolled her eyes, a witty response about to escape her lips until Kara turned around, and Lena lost all train of thought. 

Kara leaned across the table her golden locks falling gracefully across her face, her eyes crystal under the early sunrise, delicate, like early morning dew sitting at the edge of a flower petal about to drop. Each of Kara's freckles were on display for Lena to admire, so she did. 

Kara caught Lena's gaze too, and found herself just as struck by Lena's beauty. Kara loved admiring the flecks of gold in her sea green eyes during the early hours of the morning, before the bustle and rush of the city forced the two to head to work. 

Feeling a sudden rush of emotions, Kara rounded the kitchen island and plucked a seat right next to Lena who couldn't let her eyes waver from Kara for even a second. The blonde leant forward, steadying her weight with one hand on Lena's shoulder, and softly kissed her along the side of Lena’s eye, right where her temple was. (Kara was always good at showing emotions through her actions). 

Kara was usually the one who would initiate a kiss or a hug, but this time, the rush of love and admiration was a mutual occurrence. Lena surprised Kara and herself when she leaned over too and cupped the side of Kara's cheek, planting a quick kiss to her lips, followed by another one which lasted much longer. Kara's tongue swiped the bottom of Lena's lip hinting for a little more and Lena happily complied, letting Kara in while pulling her closer wanting to appreciate Kara's orange blossom scent and strong hold. 

Something came over the both of them then, something that terrified Lena when a sudden rush of warm and heartfelt emotions _really_ swept through her. Emotions she swore she didn't know how to feel anymore. 

It didn't take long for Lena to realize that Kara just found another key, the one for the box labeled 'love' and Lena felt it pouring out of her, clearly wanting to escape for some time. Yet, she didn't say anything to Kara, just simply nudged their noses together and laughed under her breath. 

"What?" Kara grinned.

Lena shook her head no, "Nothing it's just—you’re just—you’re just something else Kara Danvers," that’s the closest Lena could get to saying 'I love you' right then. 

Kara knew better, still she didn't push, just grinned a little more and planted one last kiss on Lena's nose before getting ready for work herself.

Lena loved Kara all the more for it. 

In the afternoon, when the sun was high in the sky reaching down and warming everything with its rays, Lena and Kara would usually go for lunch, so long as Supergirl duty didn't call. If it did, Lena would have the news playing on twelve screens, wincing at the every hit Kara would take by an overpowered alien or weaponized bank robber. Lena hate watching Kara fly away to another fight. (Not that Lena would ever tell Kara that).

She would watch the clock in her office carefully during lunch, knowing after ten minutes Kara wasn't coming and she should probably turn on the news. 

Surely enough, ten minutes passed into her lunch time at which point Lena reluctantly flipped through the news channels looking to see what trouble Supergirl was in then. Surprised struck Lena when she noticed Supergirl wasn't on a single news source followed by dread when she realized Kara was most likely on a dangerous black ops mission. 

"Fantastic," Lena grumbled to herself, upset that her lunch time with Kara wasn't going to happen. At least, that’s what she thought until Jess knocked on her door and told Lena someone was waiting for her down stairs. Noticing the confusion on her face, Jess simply mouthed the words ‘Kara’ while holding back a secret smirk.

Lena all but ran out of her office building in need of a light reprieve for the day. 

She was met by Kara, a motorcycle, and a helmet by her side. "No," was the first word to spill out of Lena's mouth when she caught Kara trying to stop the bike from falling over. 

"Come on! It'll be fun!" Kara whined. 

"If you let go of the bike and it stands on its own I might consider it," Kara stared at Lena for a moment, determination written on her face. Slowly, she loosened her hold on the bike. By the time she had nearly let go of it, the bike started wobbling back and forth before crashing to the ground despite Kara's attempts to catch it.

"Damn it," Kara muttered. "Alex is gonna kill me." Lena shook her head before helping Kara right the bike and pushing out the stand for the bike to lean on with her heels. 

"How'd you know how to do that?" Kara asked. Lena smirked.

"That's for me to say and you to find out darling. Now come on, where are we heading?"

Kara huffed before answering, "To the park!" 

The day was lovely for a picnic, which is exactly what Kara surprised Lena with. Underneath an evergreen tree whose branches sprouted upwards towards the sun, was a tucked away place in a hidden corner of the park. It was 'their spot' as Kara put it. (Lena tried to ignore the feeling that Kara picked the spot because she knew Lena didn't like people watching them _judging them)_. 

' _How did Kara feel thinking Lena was ashamed of her? '_

_'Awful.' Lena thought. 'I don't deserve her.'_ She tried to stamp the intrusive thought down into its box. 

Below the tree sat a plaid cover sitting idly on spring grass along with a basket full of food.

"This is wonderful Kara," Lena whispered.

"I figured you needed a little break from the office," Kara replied warmly, helping Lena down onto the blanket and out of her heels. The day was perfect, the air was cool enough so the sun didn't burn, but warmed the earth. A playful wind circulated all through the park brushing against Lena's cheeks.

_"I want your eyes!"_ She smiled at the memory. 

Lena stayed quiet for the most part as she listened to Kara animatedly describe her day along with the ridiculous treatment she received from Snapper.

"I mean he calls me ponytail Lena!" To which Lena chuckled at when she saw the disgruntled look on Kara's face. 

"I could always have him fired darling." Kara stared at Lena for a moment, trying to decide if she was serious or not. (She was).

It was towards the end of their lunch when Kara started acting shifty under the cool shadow casted by the Willow tree. Her enthusiasm morphing into something more serious. Clearly something was bothering her. 

"What is it?" Lena hedged, trying to figure out what was bothering the other woman. 

"Nothing, I just––there’s this article at CatCo about to be published," Kara started. 

"Ok?"

"And um, well it has to do with you," she finished. Kara looked away from Lena, opting to pick at the green grass ruffling in the breeze instead. 

' _She won't look at me.' Lena felt the back of her neck begin to prickle, it felt like somebody was poking it with thin needles._

"Kara?" She looked up, her eyes not entirely meeting Lena's.

"Not about you exactly, but about the Luthor's, in general I guess," Kara glanced at Lena and rushed out the rest, "It's about what the reporter said last night, apparently it's more than tabloid news. I tried to get James to drop it, but he said it was unethical to," Kara sighed, she pointed her gaze to the sky, "And he's not wrong. The source, he won't say who it is, but they sound legitimate." 

Lena felt betrayal angrily wrap around Lena's thoughts. Felt the turquoise ocean she loved so much start to freeze and turn sapphire blue. Lena let the anger and fear course through her, used it as her next defense. 

"What happened to reporting real news Kara? Not trashy gossip!" Lena spit. Kara held her hands up in surrender, her voice starting to hint at a little frustration.

"I tried to stop it!" She defended. 

"Oh I'm sure you did," Lena bitterly replied.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Kara questioned indignantly. Lena frowned, the pleasant ambiance quickly dissipating into thin air. It was rare when the couple fought, usually it was quiet bickering over where to eat or what to watch, but Lena knew this was serious; she knew Kara wanted to know about the abuse (although she would never show it or say it). Still, Lena would catch her curious gaze every now and then, studying Lena whenever she instinctively flinched at someone’s hand or loud voice. She could see Kara trying to fill in the blanks so she could get a better picture. She could see her wanting so desperately to _protect Lena._

Except despite Lena 's attempts to separate herself from the Luthor's name and genes, Lena still held onto the toxic Luthor pride. 

_"Luthor's are strong Lena, they don't ask for help. So stop crying."_

_"Yes mother."_

' _I don't need protecting' Lena thought. 'Because you think you don't deserve it' another voice said, whispering from some unknown hidden corner in Lena's mind. Lena hated that voice, she never knew where it was coming from._

"Forget it," Lena got up grabbing her heels getting ready to make the unpleasant trek back to work with Kara in tow. This time was different though, Kara didn't want to let it go, Lena's habit of brushing her off finally taking its toll.

"No! You don't get to say that and walk away from me. We've been together for months, almost a year!" Kara shouted into the quiet park. Lena tensed, an embarrassing blush crept through her cheeks when Kara mentioned their relationship, she tried to stop it, she really did, but Lena's instincts took over, making her look back and forth while shushing Kara. 

When Lena turned back to Kara she felt her heart drop, Kara had tears in her eyes, the beginnings of a storm brewed off shore of a turquoise ocean, and it was all Lena's fault. 

"I hate it when you do that," Kara whispered.

_“You’re not gay, Lena, cut the bullshit out!” Lillian shrieked._

Lena felt all of her insecurities come floating to the top, she was drowning in her own thoughts. 

"Kara I'm sorry I didn't mean—it just happens because—"

_"Don't come out of here until you're no longer gay," Lillian sneered before slamming the pantry door shut._

"Because what Lena? Because what?!" Kara shouted throwing her hands in the air letting them slap back down on her legs. Lena winced at the noise. 

"I—" Sirens in the distance broke off Lena's next sentence, not that it would have made the situation any better. Kara dropped her head, defeat written all over her. 

"I have to go," Kara said. 

"I know," Lena whispered weakly. Kara sat still for a moment clearly waiting for something _anything really_. Lena searched her thoughts trying to figure out what Kara wanted. 

_'Amazing someone so smart could be so stupid. Think Lena, think. Hug her, kiss her, tell her that—tell her—tell her what?'_

‘ _The truth, that you love her, that you’re afraid too, that you’re going to therapy, trying to fix what was broken,’ the voice Lena hated said._

She stayed quiet through it all, leaving Lena staring at Kara, not entirely sure what to do—she was never good at these things. 

Kara shook her head after a moment, disappointment and frustration flooding her thoughts. She sat up casting a brief look towards Lena, her eyes glistening in the sunlight.

"Goodbye Lena," a gust of wind hit Lena as she hopelessly watched Kara fly off. Lena sniffled slightly, she wrapped her arms around herself when she heard the loud boom of Kara breaking the sound barrier. _She really hated it when Kara left from a fight._

She watched Kara fly off into the sun feeling as though it was already setting behind her, giving off an explosion of purple Lena was all too familiar with. 

' _What was I supposed to do?'_

_'Tell her the truth.' Lena knew this time around, the voice had a point._

She didn't go home that night, or to her office, or to her penthouse. Lena needed a moment, so she checked into the hotel instead. Lena wanted to be someplace where Kara's orange blossom perfume or childlike laugh didn't linger in the air. 

To say she didn't sleep was an understatement, Lena caught up on work that took her the whole night to finish, buried her head in the sand, tried to block out the blue and purple hues wrapping around her heart making it ache. 

' _Why did I freak out when Kara talked about our relationship? I’m out for fuck sakes!'_

_'Because Luthor's aren't gay, because you're still ashamed, because a part of you still wants to be normal,' Lena cringed at the thought. The noise of a pantry slamming shut haunting her that night._

When she finished, Lena still found the pang in her chest unbearable—so she turned into her father for the night, drinking away the tears and the heart ache. 

' _There goes my sobriety. Was her last drunken thought'_

Lena woke up the next morning miserable yet happy she didn't accidentally drunk text anybody, she even responded to a text from Sam wanting to get together with her that night. She scrolled through her phone, her mood worsening when she realized Kara didn't text or call her. 

' _Why would she? I don't deserve her.'_

The day marched on without a word from Kara, Lena usually would've worried about her, considering always checks in at least once even on her busy days, except that wasn't the case anymore because Kara was upset with Lena, something Lena didn't know how to handle without alcohol by her side. 

Half drunk, Lena still kept up the pretenses of a successful CEO all throughout her meetings––even when she heard some of the older gentlemen make unwanted remarks about her and Kara. Lena took it though, knowing blowing up wouldn't make the situation any better. She tried to ignore the sympathetic look Jess gave her too.

On her way to dinner with Sam, Lena felt the paranoia of the day wearing her down. She tried to shake the feeling of the other shoe about to drop, knowing the article Kara told her about would be circulating soon. Sam wasn't easy to fool however, and after taking one look at Lena she asked what was wrong, claiming she looked like Ruby after losing a soccer game upset that she lost and upset she was covered in mud. 

For the first time that day Lena actually chuckled, she felt relief flood her system as she sat across from Sam, who patiently waited for Lena to open up.

"There's an article from CatCo apparently, about to the printed discussing my family, about Lillian and how she—" Lena choked on her next words, "About how she raised us," Lena said instead. Sam's grin dropped a little, her hand reached across the table to cover Lena's in her own. Sam knew about the abuse as much as Kara did, gathered as much as anyone did when Lena let them in without ever telling them the whole truth. 

"Oh? And what did Kara say?" Sam asked patiently. Lena winced, remembering their fight the day before.

"She said she tried to stop it," Lena answered only telling Sam half of the truth.

"Is that all?" Sam questioned further.

"Yes?" 

"Lena…" Sam replied when hearing the question in Lena's answer.

_'I hate it when people see right through me. When did that start happening?' Kara's carefree laugh and sunny personality flitted through Lena's thoughts. 'It happened when you met the sunrise' something in Lena's head said. 'Is that really so bad?'_

"I—we fought. It's my fault, honestly, I accused—implied—that she was letting the article go through on purpose because she wanted to know more," Lena cringed as she said it realizing just how paranoid she sounded and how bad she fucked up. 

"Shit Lena," that was one thing Lena liked about Sam, she didn't sugar coat things. (This time she wished she would though, especially since Lena was feeling especially _fragile_ at the moment). 

"I know, I just don't know what to say, how to tell her about—about Lillian, about what she did," Lena's voice grew softer with every word, her hands started to shake again. Sam squeezed the one she was holding onto, trying to reassure her. 

"There's no way to talk about heavy stuff like that. It's hard cause it's fucked up, and I know you already feel like a burden—no stop," Sam cut Lena off when she saw she was about to interject, "I know you do, so it's not any easier confiding what feels like a part of your burden with someone else, but you have to at some point, it’s the only way to get better."

Lena felt the last bit of her defenses start to waver. ' _She's right and you know it,' that annoying voice said._ Lena sighed, she was starting to notice how the voice sounded a lot like her own. _A lot like the voice Lena lost control of when she fell under Lillian's control. It sounded human, not like a hidden politician._

Dinner was a quick affair, with Sam filling in Lena on Ruby and Lena talking about Kara and Alex, even admitting to some of the insecurities she had with Kara. Sam nodded along listening intently, her hand never leaving Lena's. This time though, when Sam gave her an understanding look, Lena didn't feel like shutting up.

' _You have to be honest if you want to get better,' Sam's words echoed in Lena's mind._

She felt significantly better by the time she got back to the hotel, so much so that she started packing her bags. It was when she was in the middle of packing that a concerning knock came from her door. Lena furrowed her eyebrows into confused look as she opened the door.

Confusion morphed into concern when she saw Alex standing on the other side, blood covering her face and hands like brush strokes on a canvas. "It's bad Lena." 

' _Shit.'_


	3. Chapter 3

Blood, there was so much blood. They caught her off guard with a kryptonite bullet, Alex nearly didn't get to Kara in time. That’s all Lena heard from Alex's relay of the black ops mission they were on, there was more to be said that Lena tuned out, all she could think about was Kara lying on the cold floor  _ dying  _ and Lena was out having dinner with a friend.

_ 'You don't deserve her.'  _

The team of DEO medics worked quickly and succinctly listening to Alex bark orders. Lena found herself in the backdrop watching the scene unfold. Kara was whiter than Lena had ever seen her, her sun kissed skin looked sickly and pale under the fluorescent lighting. Her hair was no longer gold, but flat and losing its color. And her eyes, Lena grew nervous when she realized she might never see those turquoise blue eyes again, might never swim in Kara's sea of love and hope. 

' _ Don't just stand there, Kara needs you now.' _

Listening to the voice for once Lena ran towards Kara, she stood next to Alex and started assessing the situation. 

' _ I can't see the kryptonite, but Kara's veins are still glowing green.'  _

Lena fell into the state her brain always did in stressful situations, she hyper focused, didn't let anything pull her away from the task at hand. 

"The kryptonite, it isn't a bullet it melted, it's in her system," Lena realized when she couldn't see the sickly green poison stone, yet still watched as it spread through Kara's system. 

"She needs, sunlight, and we need a cure," Alex concluded.

That’s how Lena spent the next two days, working tirelessly alongside Alex and Eliza who flew in after hearing the news.

It was one in the morning when they finally stumbled across something that might work, Harun-El, black kryptonite that might just save Kara. 

It worked, still, Lena didn't see turquoise for several more hours, Kara needed time to heal. All that time and Lena stayed awake, alternating between L-Corp and the DEO, experimenting with the Harun-El trying to make it better, more stable, to avoid situations like this. 

Alex made a few attempts to send Lena to bed, but when she saw the fire in Lena's eyes she backed down immediately, complaining about Luthor's and their 'Laser like gaze.' All Lena could think about was her fight with Kara and her dinner with Sam. How she let Kara fly away with tears pooling in her yes because Lena was to afraid to love her. How she sat with Sam and opened up to her the way Kara wish she would with her. From fear to guilt, that’s all Lena really knew. 

When Kara did open her eyes, still foggy from the incident, Lena had to fight the instinct to run. Her fight with Kara along with guilt catching up to her. She almost would've, if Kara hadn't said her name right away, if she hadn't turned towards her with tears in her eyes and an arm outstretched begging for Lena to fill the empty space in Kara's hospital bed. 

Kara didn't stop crying that night, and Lena didn't ask her to (not like Lillian would've). She held Kara close, trying to put back together what broke. Eventually she stopped long enough to tell Lena what happened, tell her that she entered another universe, one where Lena was only sixteen, one where Lena was still a genius trying to save her planet from destruction. Kara helped, she always does—it's the only thing she knows how to do. 

She helped save the day, like always, helped save the earth, but she couldn't help Lena, not last minute, she may have saved the world but she couldn't save her. It was sixteen year old Lena who threw herself in front of a Kryptonite bullet to protect Kara right before she left, but then it went right through her heart, split it in two, and hit Kara like it was supposed too. Kara started crying again and no matter how hard Lena tried, she couldn't keep the tears away either. 

A few days wore on where Lena found herself trying to be Kara's rock, trying to mend her back together, trying—trying—trying. Lena couldn't stand it, she hated the way Kara looked at her, like she was going to disappear any minute, like she was sand in an hour glass about to run out. Lena did what she could, reminded Kara that what she lived through was in another universe, not theirs. 

More weeks passed and finally she started to come around, she started laughing again, having sister nights with Alex and game nights with the superfriends. Lena started to see the sun rise again, saw its pastel colors bring an undeniable glow to her world.

She saw the cobalt stormy blue in Kara's eyes start to give way to turquoise again. Lena couldn't help it and started feeling at ease again even though she knew the other shoe would drop soon, knew the article still hadn't printed and there was nothing she could do, but that was for later, right now it was about Kara not Lena. (If Lena was being honest, she was happy about that fact, happy that the Gala had been temporarily forgotten).

_ That’s a shitty thing to think.  _ Lena tossed the thought aside and downed a little more whiskey from the flask she kept under her table. 

' _ What happened to being honest? To getting better.' _

"Shut up!" Lena nearly shouted to no one. Oh she's losing it. 

Luckily, Jess bursting through her office door brought Lena out of her thoughts and back into reality, when Lena saw the magazine clutched uncertainty to Jess's chest, she closed her eyes wishing she could go back in time to that day on Kara's rooftop, where the sunset looked like the sunrise. 

"I—I think you should read this," Jess held out the magazine titled 'A Luthor's Life' before Lena scoffed and tossed it into the bin next to her. 

"Ms. Luthor-"

"Trust me Jess, I know all about it," Silence ensued to which Jess stood in front of Lena for a moment or two before walking back to her desk. Sam called not long after, Lena shut off her phone. The boxes in Lena's mind were officially coming undone even though she chained them shut.

On her way out of L-Corp Lena found herself fighting off a sea of reporters all wondering if the article by CatCo was true, she said 'No comment.' 

Inside her car Lena decided to go back to the hotel, until somehow, she found herself unlocking the door to Kara's place, which was surprising considering Lena knew Kara was going to ask her about the article, about the abuse, she nearly turned around.

' _ If you want to get better you have to be honest Lena.' _

_ 'Maybe that’s why I'm here. Maybe it's time to get better.' _

Lena rested her head on the front door for a moment, bracing herself of the inevitable before turning the lock. When she opened the door she found herself engulfed by the smell of orange blossoms and lavender— _ summer, home Lena thought. She's missed it. _

"Lena?" Kara called out from the bedroom surprised coloring her tone. Lena smiled briefly at her walking down the hallway before she caught the culprit sitting on the kitchen countertop: 'A Luthor's Life.'

' _ What about all the lives the Luthor's took?'  _

"You sound surprised," Lena responded as she walked towards the magazine and picked it up. Lena stared at the print for a moment, Lillian's icy blue eyes swirling in the back of her mind. Kara didn't say much.

"I didn't think you'd show, after our fight at the park I figure––I just—I figured," Kara lamely finished. Lena felt her own disappointment run through her,  _ she didn't think I'd show, she thought I would leave.  _

"Right," Lena answered. Kara studied Lena apprehensively unsure of what to do with herself within her own home,  _ what was basically their home.  _

"I made some pasta, just in case, your favorite," Kara offered trying to mask her certainty that Lena wouldn't show. She gestured weakly to the stove where warm meal waited. Lena dropped her purse to the ground, passing by Kara aiming for the liquor cabinet instead.

"Did you read it?" Lena asked as she poured herself a glass of wine. Kara stayed silent for a moment, listening to Lena's rapid heartbeat.

"I edited it," Lena nearly dropped the wine bottle.

"You—you—"

"Snapper made me, I'm sorry Lena I swear I wasn't going to read it, but at least I had a chance to gut some of it," Kara held her hands up letting Lena know she wasn't the enemy. 

Lena took a gulp of her wine. "How bad?" 

Kara cringed slightly, "That bad huh?" She gathered. 

"No, but it wasn't great. It also wasn't a first person account, so it was kind of vague," Lena nodded her head, her drunken stupor taking over.

' _ Now is your chance to be honest.'  _

Lena walked back to Kara's couch, stupidly falling into it with her wine glass in hand. It was a miracle she managed not to spill any. "It was worse than the source let on," she finally said.

Kara eyebrows shot up at the admittance, "You read it?" She asked surprised. 

Lena could only nod. Right after Jess walked out of her office the papers on her desk were suddenly impossible to read, especially with the article mocking her in the trash bin. With a little more liquid courage she opened it up reading it three times over from beginning to end. Kara was right, it was vague, the only abuse the article mentioned was Lionel’s drinking problem and the occasional slap around the face by Lillian. But nothing about being locked in a pantry closet, nothing about fists turning Lena's flesh black and blue. 

"It's the talk of the town how could I not?" Lena sarcastically retorted. She drank a little more. Kara, noticing the other woman about to poison herself with alcohol, made her way to the couch curling up beside her. She grabbed the wine glass when Lena went for another drink, the two had a silent moment of communication as Lena fought to hold onto it. She lost though, she always did when it came to Kara. 

"If we're going to talk you need to be sober," Kara softly said. Lena laughed out loud.

"If I'm going to talk I can't be sober," she rebuked. 

Kara scanned Lena's face for a moment, worry tugging at her features as if dealing with an internal war. She nodded her head, "Okay.” Before Lena continued Kara sat back at the other end of the couch and patted the space between her legs, Kara wanted to hold her. 

Lena complied, clumsily scooting into her spot lolling her head side to side laughing suddenly.

"Lena?" Kara said confused by the woman's outburst. 

"It's just, I haven't even started and I want to cry," Lena continued laughing with tears trekking down her face. Kara pulled Lena in and held her tight. "It's going to be a long night," Lena said, in a last ditch effort for Kara to drop it. 

"We have all night, it's ok baby."

Lena sighed then, unsure where to start. 

' _ Start from beginning.'  _

So she breathed in the sweet smell of orange blossoms and lavender, a hazy summer day Lena could only remember in her dreams came back to her, she started talking in a voice that almost didn't sound like her own. 

_ "I remember my mom, I remember her golden flecks, I think that was the last time I was ok, I was four. After that I just remember Lillian and her icy blue eyes, her calloused fists." _

By time Lena finished she was a mess, the sunrise breaking through Kara's apartment windows revealed a puffy eyed Lena and a proud Kara kissing the side of her neck, telling her it was okay, that Lena was safe now. 

Lena smiled when she saw the sunrise, her first kiss with Kara on the rooftop coming back to her. The horizon took on an orange and yellow glow, a light pink filtered out the harsh red hiding underneath. 

"You're ok Lena, you're okay," Kara kept saying.

Lena closed her eyes, letting her head fall back into Kara's strong chest, letting her mind focus on the steady heart beat beneath Kara's breast. 

_ I'm ok, I'm ok.  _ Lena felt the weight of a couple more boxes open up and come undone, she embraced it, letting the secrets of the past wash her clean. "I'm ok," Lena finally said, and for the first time in a long time she believed it. 

It got easier after that day, every time Lena had a flashback she would find herself clothed in an orange blossom scent, relaying the memories of a pantry closet door closing shut, of a fist slamming across her face to Kara. Each time Lena could feel another box unpack, felt the weight on her shoulders lift just a little bit.

Felt the thought  _ 'I'm not alone,' become a sure thing. _

There were some things that never changed though, and Lena's drinking was one. Even though the weight she felt lifted, the guilt never did, the feelings of loving her mother and hating her mother constantly clashed in her mind like violent waves battling the edge of jagged rocks, Lena felt like she was in between the two. She would find herself needing a drink every time, even in the middle of the afternoon. 

Kara didn't notice, Lena made sure as much. She tried to tell her girlfriend of the conflicting feelings inside her, but every time she did Lena would find herself feeling sixteen again, sitting at a dinner table with cotton balls in her throat. 

The feeling made it impossible for her to open her mouth and the jagged rocks continued to tear at Lena's flesh. 

It wasn't until another game night when Lena slipped, it was five and already she was on wine glass number three. She'd fill it up to the brim, watch the bottle drain into her glass and collect in it like a rain water well. Kara didn't notice, but Alex did. She tracked Lena's movements like a hawk that night watching her go for every refill and every gulp of wine. 

With the article published the Luthor's found themselves on every television screen in town, and Lena was the center of it all. Reporters bombarded her office every morning throwing hurtful questions towards Lena as if they were nothing. Needless to say everyone knew it was taking its toll on Lena, but it was Alex who really confronted her about it. 

She'd just shove the flask under desk, wondering in delight how it twinkled in the sunlight. Then Alex Danvers walked in, determination written other face, she felt her heart clench at the sight, Lena only ever knew the Danvers to possess such a look when something was wrong. 

_ How many times are you going to let people fix you Lena?  _

_ " _ How many?" Alex was blunt about it, walking over to Lena's desk and behind it, she towered over the girl in her black uniform and combat boots. 

"Excuse me?" Lena not expecting the visit answered, her heart started beating faster with each movement Alex made behind her desk, her eyes glancing at the shiny silver flask hiding in the shadows of her desk. 

"How many drinks have you had today?" Now it was Alex's gaze burning a hole in Lena's mind. Again she felt like she was on display, with the agent reading her every thought, her every expression. 

"I—I don't know what you're talking about Alex," She lied, Lena was always  _ lying  _ about these things. 

_ "Luthor's aren't weak Lena!"  _

"The flask under your desk says otherwise," Alex reached down suddenly, grabbing the culprit and wincing at the smell of whiskey when she unscrewed it. That's when Lena felt it again _ , _ the mountain of her burdens suffer from a landslide and come tumbling down into full view  _ 'There's no lying now.' _

"I can explain—I—" Alex looked down at a shameful Lena for a few seconds while she collected her thoughts only to realize she didn't have anything to say. Her shoulders sagged and for once Lena let the weight of her guilt show, her head hung low and her eyes closed, she could feel the bandaged wound from the rocks start to come undone. 

  
  


Alex, still standing over Lena at the time, rested her hand on the woman's shoulder, a reassuring look on her face. "Come on," Alex motioned to the couch in Lena's office and walked towards it. She took the blanket resting on the back of the couch and spread it open, enticing Lena over with the promise of a warm blanket. 

Shaking her head in an admittance of defeat, Lena walked towards an open blanket which Alex wasted no time in wrapping them up in. She wasted no time in questioning Lena, "Does Kara know?" 

Lena shook her head shamefully at the question, her hands found the sides of her temples when a future migraine started to throb painfully. She didn't say anything for a moment, not until Alex wrapped a loving hand around her wrist and pulled her hands apart, not until she reached behind Lena and undid her tight ponytail and let her hair feel free. 

Entwining their hands Alex brought Lena back to earth, the reassuring smile never leaving her face. "I—" Lena felt he cotton balls start to fill up her throat, she had admitted to so much over the past couple of months in a lifetime this was just one more layer of ice stopping Lena form breathing, but she still kept quiet, instead listened to the silence around and avoid Alex's watchful gaze. 

When she realized Lena wasn't going to say anything, she decided to open up herself hoping she would spur the other girl into talking. "I can't tell you how many times Kara found me passed out in my apartment," Lena glanced at Alex her surprise showing slightly, "Those were the good nights though, other times she would have to fly me home, or found me knocking on the wrong apartment door. It was like that for awhile, not until I got help." 

Lena felt the knots in her stomach come undone slightly. "When did you—how long?"

Alex looked to the side running her fingers through her hair, trying to count up the unmemorable years of her life. "I started in college, so eighteen I guess. Maybe a little before that, high school parties and all." 

Lena nodded her head, the faraway look in her eyes ever-present. Nobody spoke and still Lena could hear the warm drunken laugh of Lionel. 

_ "Lena come in honey!" She remembered the fear that overtook her when Lionel caught her spying on him through the crack his semi closed office door made. Cautiously Lena ventured into her office, her eyes down cast as if waiting for her punishment. A bruise from earlier was making home under her eye.  _

_ "What's that?" Lena pointed to the amber clasped in Lionel's clammy and uncoordinated hands. _

_ "This?" He pointed to the glass, Lena nodded—Lionel laughed, "This is how you make your sins and pain all go away." _

_ She never forgot that day, and when Lena turned thirteen she snuck into Lionel's office while he slept, poured herself a glass, found she hated the taste of poison, hated the smell of death, but loved the feeling of nothingness.  _

"I was thirteen," she finally answered. "I hated the taste y'know? I almost felt like I was lied to, but I didn't stop. It wasn't until the alcohol robbed me of all my thoughts that I realized why people fall in love with it."

The two continued to talk for the next several hours, Lena confessing the drinking stopped when she met Kara and started when she nearly lost her. "All of the attention, I hate it, I wish I could disappear every time I hear the sound of a camera snap," Alex nodded her head understandingly, her face never morphing into one of pity. 

When the sun fell below the horizon both women turned to the sound of heavy boots landing on Lena’s balcony, Lena smiled at the sight of a tired Kara barely making it towards the couch.

“Hey champ!” Alex smiled back. 

“Hey!” Kara looked curiously between both Alex and Lena. She flopped down next to her girlfriend plating an uncoordinated kiss on Lena’s head who laughed in response. 

“Rough day?” Alex asked. Kara rolled her eyes and sighed.

“You wouldn’t believe the amount of cats that get stuck in tree’s. So what’s going on here exactly? Game night without me?” Kara offhandly remarked as she motioned to the chess board sitting on the table in front of the couch. 

Alex caught Lena’s attention who quickly looked away when she saw the question burning in the other woman’s mind.  _ ‘Aren’t you going to tell her?’ _

The cotton balls in Lena’s throat suddenly came back leaving the trio blanketed in a sea of silence. “Guys?” Kara asked, confusion was present on her face. Alex looked to Lena who vehemently stared at the chess pieces on the board, not entirely sure how to tell Kara what she told Alex.

_ ‘Luthor’s don’t ask for help. _ ’  _ It was the same poisonous thought that haunted Lena’s mind. The one that kept her shut away for so long. _

_ ‘It’s okay’ another voice said, ‘It’s okay to ask for help.’ _

“Lena,” Alex whispered she looked away from the chess board suddenly meeting Alex’s understanding honey brown eyes, “It’s ok.” 

“Lena? What’s going on baby?” Kara shifted closer to Lena and wrapped her arms around her waist. She rested her chin on Lena’s shoulder, silently communicating with Alex who sat across from the two.

“I–there’s something I have to tell you,” Lena’s voice cracked, Alex gave her hand another squeeze and a sure nod. 

Kara kissed her cheek, “Whatever it is, I’ve got you.” 

“Yeah little Luthor,” Alex added fondly. Lena chuckled, one hand finding Kara’s and the other entwined with Alex’s,  _ she held tightly onto them both. _

The night went on with Lena coming clean about her drinking problem, it was the first time she called it a problem openly. Throughout it all neither Kara nor Alex gave Lena any judgemental looks, they held the Luthor heiress close instead, something Lena could never describe how much it meant to her. By the time they were done Lena felt the weight that once sat on her shoulders lift entirely. 

After the talk Alex took it upon herself to take Lena to AA meeting’s, knowing she still had a long road ahead of her, she even became her sponsor, something Lena for the first time wasn’t surprised about.

_ ‘It’s what family does for each other.’ She thought. For the first time somebody else didn’t have to say it for Lena to already know it.  _

As time went on for Lena similar thoughts finally started to take root like a beautiful spring in the back of her mind stamping out the poison Lillian had instilled at an early age. 

In the blink of an eye weeks turned to months turned to years turned to a decade of love and family for Lena. And on her and Kara’s tenth anniversary Lena realized as she watched their thousandth sunset together blossom varying hues of orange, red, and pink across the sky, that not all sunsets are the end, but a beginning instead and she was lucky that Kara Danvers was her beginning and end. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is just full of Alex and Lena fluff, as well as hurt/comfort. Kara is there too, but towards the end.

Lena was _trying._ Trying to focus on the boards meeting, trying to string her thoughts together, trying to make her brain work at a normal pace instead of a lethargic one, _trying, trying, trying._ And it worked, somehow, she managed to get through three meetings—one with the board where two members were acting like asses trying to undermine her work—and the two others successfully making a deal to buy out their companies. 

She made it through the day despite her insufferable headache and occasional hunger pains from being a little over worked. It was, in her own mind, a small victory warranting something nice. She didn't even think twice about it, didn't even think when she naturally walked over to her cabinet stashed with her favorite bottle of alcohol, didn't stop when she started putting in the code, didn't register any difference until her hand wiped the inside of an empty storage where a much deserved bottle of whiskey should've been. 

And that's what broke her.

Her shoulders slumped forward. "Fuck." She rested her head against the wall in annoyance. It was usually cruel how each victory Lena managed resulted in a desire for a drink. It was strange, how her desire didn't come out of an uncontrollable condition where Lena _needed_ a drink or else; It came from a place of wanting to celebrate the good in her life, wanting to feel as good as she knew she should've felt. Alcohol was that link, it was like a bridge that would take her over to the other side of her brain that was always fun and happy even though the morning after was anything but. Nor were her drunken arguments with loved ones anything to rave about. 

But it was on days like today, where she did _good_ , and she _knew_ she did good despite all the adversity thrown in her face, that she just wanted to celebrate how most would probably celebrate. A glass of wine maybe. 

Lena sighed, shaking her head at the thought knowing if Kara or Alex found out they'd be both supportive and disappointed, it was the disappointment Lena couldn't take. As well as the increased concern and vigilance. 

She walked back to her desk and slumped in her chair while looking longingly at the empty black insides of a white cabinet where a bottle should be. It wasn't that she wanted to get drunk, it was just that she wanted to _feel good_ feel as unstoppable as she should've been feeling, but for the life of her couldn't. 

And if finding no alcohol left Lena feeling a little defeated, then realizing she couldn't feel happy without being a little tipsy left her hopeless. 

_'Why can't I feel good regardless of a drink? Why can't I be happy?'_

Anger, mixed with an indescribable sadness settled in the forefront in her mind. It would be a constant war between her happiness and her cravings for a drink. Regardless of the therapy sessions, the AA meetings, her long talks with Kara, she would always be a little broken, sharp at the edges and cracked throughout as her brain could no longer give her the necessary chemicals to make her feel _something._

Lena glanced at the cabinet again as an entirely different feeling took hold. Sadness. Now wanting a drink bordered on _needing_ a drink. She shook her head again, ridding the thoughts. 

Funny how her mind conjured a need for a drink no matter the feeling; she felt like a switch had been flipped inside her, going from satisfied and victorious to disappointed and defeated. Already Lena could hear herself using the rollercoaster of emotions as _another_ reason to drink, but she fought those thoughts off too. Fought them off with cringe worthy and heartbreaking blurry memories of drinking alone in her dorm and then getting in a fight with her roommate who she actually liked. To incoherently yelling at Sam thinking she was someone else only to realize Ruby was in the next room. She remembered sitting alone in her room at thirteen, trying to numb the pain Lillian instilled in her as she cried herself to sleep. 

Leaning forward, Lena placed her elbows on her desk and buried her face tiredly into her hands. But there was something else there, a feeling she was trying desperately to ignore. Everything was fine, until one memory turned to another to another and then somehow she started reliving some of the ugliest moments in her childhood and early twenties. She recalls her childhood with a shudder, as though it were haunted and she remembers her early twenties shamefully as a time where she ran around hopeless and lost trying to find what she missed in a bottle and in her dreams. 

The memories left Lena feeling helpless, ecstatic, and raw.

In the midst of her inner turmoil no words came to mind as an image flashed quickly in her head. Quickly enough to be a cruel form of patronizing temptation, but also enough to make her freeze and look up wildly. It was an image of the convenience store she always passed on her way home. The one with shelves _full_ of liquor, cheap, but alcohol nonetheless. 

The thought made her feel like the devil himself was smiling wickedly while swinging a carrot on a stick in front of her, as though she were a pig. And maybe she was. Months of strong will almost swirling down the drain because she couldn't get it together. All because she couldn't stand to not feel happy without feeling tipsy, all because she felt bad then and couldn't handle her emotions without being numb.

_'All because I act like a petulant child with little grasp of her feelings. Mother was right, I am pathetic.'_

Something evil in her mind had thought the last words up and while not spoken into existence, just knowing it made the convenience store a little more enticing. The words didn't even sound like her own, it sounded like the devil was trapped in her head, trying to get her to let go and jump. The more she thought about it, the more it sounded like a combination of Lex's, Lillian's, and Lionel's voice combined; like a three headed monster speaking all at once. 

_'It would take five minutes before I get there and—'_

"Enough!" Lena slammed her hand against her desk, the loud bang echoed in her office before quiet followed suit. Heavy breathing came from behind her desk and Lena clasped her hands over her ears trying to bring peace back into her mind and block out whoever was breathing desperately, as though they couldn't suck in air no matter how hard they tried.

It took a moment before Lena realized it was her own breath she heard, her own whimpers and incoherent mutterings as she shot up from her chair only to crumple to the cold tile floor halfway between her desk and couch. Everything felt like it was closing in around her, the sides of her vision blurred and the couch in front of her seemed cloudy, like she was looking at it underwater. Her migraine pounded in the back of her head while the front felt like ice picks stabbing her eyes over and over. 

_'I need help I need to call—'_

A sudden wave of nausea made Lena whimper again before succumbing to the cold floor and curling up in a ball. She grinded her teeth together as the pain intensified and tried to ignore how it felt like sandpaper against molars. Lena sat up, another wave of nausea hit her as she looked for her phone, stumbling, she made it to the coffee table where it sat. The room spun, her bones ached, and her head pounded. She unlocked it just before the phone fell out of her hands and cracked on the tile floor.

She sucked her teeth as her headache worsened. "Fuck!"

Dark spots started clouding her vision until complete darkness consumed her. 

It wasn't common for Lena to pass out from terrible migraines and anxiety overloads, but it wasn't unheard of either. But when she woke up in another DEO med bay, she was surprised to find Alex checking over her, gingerly opening her eyes a little wider to shine small flashlight in them.

"Gave me a scare. Walked into the find you on the ground not moving." Even with the calm demeanor Alex portrayed, Lena, could pick up on the undercurrent of fear. 

"My monthly assassination attempt is due for next week Agent Danvers." Lena, shot Alex a playful look who gave her an equally unimpressed one. She did well to hide the beginnings of a smile.

"Not funny," Alex muttered as she set down a small flashlight and sat next to Lena. In a sisterly fashion, almost entirely reserved for Kara, except for small moments like this, she held Lena's hand, rubbing a soothing thumb back and forth over the top of smooth skin.

"It almost got a smile out of you."

Alex looked away, she pressed her lips in a thin line before meeting Lena's bleary green eyes. "What happened?" 

Again, there was the concern that was only reserved for Kara, Lena bristled at it, not entirely use to warmth and love. "Well I'm still sober, I'm sure you checked." Alex looked a little bashful at the accusation, her eyes tracking the floor for a moment before turning back to Lena. She shrugged her shoulders a little. 

"We took your blood to make sure it wasn't anything else. But yes, I am happy that you're still sober, I know how hard that is." 

And there it was, the remembrance that Lena wasn't entirely alone when it came to battling her demons, that she wasn't the only knight on the battlefield, she had back up. Some of the tension in her shoulders dissipated at the thought. She had Alex, Kara, Eliza, and most importantly _love._

"I—I went looking for a drink. Not because I was craving but because of—"

"Habit?" Lena gave Alex a small smile, relieved that someone understood and wasn't judging her. 

"Yeah. I had a rough day and a good day mixed into one, which in my mind always warrants a drink." She looked down at her hand clasped in Alex's, enjoyed the calm that washed over her. "I guess not anymore, huh?"

"We just have to make new habits, like ordering pizza instead!" Lena laughed brightly at the thought. 

"Oh Kara would love that!"

_'Still….'_ Something uneasy bothered the back of Lena's mind. Something that still left her wanting a drink even amidst all the happy smiles. Her nose wrinkle a little, a tell tale sign something was bothering her. Alex didn't catch it, Kara would've, but when she asked Alex about her sisters’ whereabouts she waved her concerns away, saying she was on a simple mission. Lena new better, it was never simple.

"Right well," Lena swung her feet over the bed, ready to walk out, "I should get go—" 

"Whoa Whoa!" Alex held her hand out towards the younger women, effectively stopping her in her tracks. "No way," she said as statement, with little room for arguing, even if it was Lena she was dealing with. "We have to make sure you’re all good." Lena rolled her eyes a little, pushing Alex's hand away before looking for her shoes. 

"Alex, I'll be fine. Not my first rodeo. You can check up at me at home."

"It's not your first?" Lena winced as Alex snapped off her gloves and tossed them out. She didn't mean to let that slip. 

"I got them as a kid, when…" 

Looking sympathetically at Lena, whose posture faltered a little under her gaze, Alex nodded her head understandingly. "Right. Well I'll take you home." 

"Alex—" The agent waved her protests off, already grabbing her keys and bag. 

"Now this is not up for discussion. Let's go." Letting out a huff, Lena followed the sound of Alex's jingling keys down the hall. 

Somewhere midway on their trek to Lena's apartment, she had a change of heart. Maybe it was the headache that still lingered or the back of her mind, or maybe it was her need for comfort, she decided she couldn't go to her apartment, she wanted to go to Kara's instead. "Alex?" 

"Yeah?" She looked over, aware of the lethargic way Lena said her name, as if she might pass out again. Already her eyes were half droopy and her posture slumped in the seat, a rare sight. Alex gripped the steering wheel, hoping Kara would be home soon. 

"Can we go to Kara's instead? I know she's not there but—" 

"Of course." Lena closed her eyes pleasantly as she started to drift off to sleep. When she woke up, it was to Alex softly repeating her name. It felt as though two seconds had passed. Lena blearily stared at Alex who rubbed her arm up in down comfortingly. She remembered telling her brain to move, but her legs couldn't function, everything around her felt dizzy and hazy.

Unable to form a coherent sentence, she held out her hand towards Alex, hoping she'd see her state and get the message without making too much of a big deal. Without judgement, Alex grabbed Lena's hand and pulled her forward. With some grace, she managed to stumble out of the car and maintain her balance. 

Halfway up the stairs Alex noticed Lena's head starting to loll from side to side, "You ok?" She only got a mumble as a response. "Damn it Luthor. We should have stayed in the DEO." Lena didn't say anything. When Alex looked back at her she'd finally given way to sleep. "Fuck." 

This time she woke up in a blanket of warmth coupled with a familiar smell of lavender. _Kara._ Lena sat up on the couch, where the two would spend nights laughing and holding each other as her girlfriend stuffed her faced with potstickers. She scanned the room, her heart dropping a little when she didn't see Kara, however, she did notice Alex standing against the fridge giving her a pointed look. "Don't look so upset that's she's not here." 

Lena smirked. "Don't sound so jealous Danvers, you know I would never say who my favorite is." Alex scoffed before rummaging through the fridge behind her in hopes of finding food. 

"Haha." She stood up and tossed a container of potstickers on the island, her nose scrunched up in distaste when opening the container. "Does she ever get tired of these things? Jesus." Lena chuckled at her misery, especially when Alex carefully placed the container back in the fridge, knowing better than to eat one.

"I'll order pizza." Pushing off the fridge, she made her way towards Lena, who tried not to look too surprised when Alex plopped down next to her. She threw an arm around Lena's shoulder who shuffled a little against the backing of the couch before she found herself basically laying on Alex. 

_'Well this is new. I think my therapist might even consider this a milestone.'_

Alex rarely cuddled up with people, the only times she'd seen her so vulnerable with someone else was either with Kelly or Kara when she was hurting. Knowing she was willing to do the same with Lena, was both startling and heartwarming. Although, Lena could tell Alex was a little stiff, maybe because she was too. It made for an awkward minute before Lena felt herself drift off again. Without thinking she leaned her head on Alex's chest and moved her legs so they were in-between the agents. 

Using Alex's chest like a pillow, she rested comfortably. Her heartbeat was soothing, and before long, she had almost fallen back asleep as the TV played dateline. "How are you feeling?" The question kept her awake a little longer.

"Better." Lena snuggled closer against Alex trying to stay warm. Two seconds later a blanket was draped over her. Carefully, Alex undid Lena's tight bun, her hands gently raked through her hair gently messaging Lena's scalp. She almost purred in response, but stopped herself, they weren't _that_ close. 

_'Yet.'_

Lena smiled, that voice sounded a lot like sunshine, a lot like something Kara would say. Despite her feeling comfortable with Alex, cuddling with her was probably the most vulnerable either had ever been with each other. "Do you want to tell Kara about it?" Finally, she had asked the question that had been bugging her all afternoon. It was hidden in the silent glances and small frown constantly tugging at even her small smiles from Lena's easy banter. 

Even though Lena had almost fallen asleep, the question had her feeling tense again. Originally, she had hoped she would wake up in her office alone and pretend like her episode didn't happen. All of that was derailed when Alex found her. 

"Honestly? No." Alex looked down surprised, it was rare Lena showed her full hand with complete honesty. She wasn't deceitful, just guarded. 

"Really?" It was a valid question, although the surprise still rubbed Lena a little. _She was trying to be better after all._ But it was Alex, and Alex never really see's this side of her.

"I just—" Lena sighed before sitting up and shuffling a little so she could face Alex at the other end of the couch. "I know Kara's going through some stuff too right now, and I don't want to worry her with my shit as well." 

Alex nodded her head thoughtfully, even though she wanted to put her two cents in, she could tell Lena was just trying to protect Kara. "I get it. I do the same with Kelly sometimes." Lena looked up, her eyes turning away from her lap. 

"You do?"

Alex shook her head with a small smile. "Yeah. I do tell her eventually, but sometimes it's too fresh or there's something else going on."

"Huh." Lena looked back down at her lap, twirling her fingers together. Alex frowned at her response until she realized why Lena seemed so timid. 

"You weren't planning on telling her at all, were you?" Lena shot Alex a bashful glance and shy smile. She raised eyebrows.

"Our secret?" Alex shook her head no. A small bout of uncomfortable silence followed where Lena picked nervously at the skin around her thumb until it started to bleed a little. A sigh from the other end of the couch startled her.

"Lena I won't cover for you, not about something serious like this. You should talk to someone about it more at least, maybe a therapist?"

Blood ran down Lena's finger from her constant picking, she tried to ignore the stinging pain. "I think this family has seen enough of therapists." 

Alex threw her head back frustrated, "Lena you—hey cut that out!" Lena felt her hands being swatted away as Alex finally noticed the blood. She clasped her hand around the small blister and reached for a napkin. Lena watched helplessly, it was a soothing habit with bloody consequences. Something she couldn't stop doing since she was little.

"Sorry I—"

"No more sorry, just promise me you'll say something to someone or else I will. We don't have to talk about it, but I know there's more here." Lena nodded her head yes, knowing there was no room for argument. 

"Alright." 

The bleeding stopped, allowing Alex to sit back peacefully, still, she held onto Lena's hand from across the couch. They watched TV for sometime, all the way until the sun settled below the horizon leaving Kara's apartment in a warm orange glow. Somehow, Lena and Alex had fallen asleep again, Lena was resting on Alex’s chest again, enjoying the warmth of a sisterly arm thrown over her back. 

That's how Kara found them, wrapped in each other snuggling under a blanket. She snapped a picture before changing and gently waking Alex up. "Hey, Alex." Her insistent whispering got her sister to stir and open her eyes. 

"You're back," she mumbled. Kara smiled at her sleepy voice. 

"Yeah, it wasn't that bad. I'm ok, so you can stop scanning me for injuries." Alex blushed at getting caught. Kara looked over at Lena, she was buried by the polkadot blanket, only tufts of black hair could be seen sticking out. 

"She's in there somewhere, I promise." 

Kara chuckled. "Rough day?" Alex's smile faltered a little.

"Something like it."

Kara glanced at Lena subtly, she could feel her crinkle starting to form. Lena rarely got this snuggly with anyone who wasn't Kara, which means something bad must've happened. Alex, noticing her sisters concern and tried to soothe her too, "It's fine, we both had a shitty day so we ended up here since you weren't around. Felt a lot like an impromptu sister night."

A bright smile took hold of Kara, her heart warmed as she listened to Alex refer to Lena as a sister. "Let's get you two to bed then, come on, I got Lena." 

Alex groaned at the thought of having to move. "But I'm so comfy."

Kara grimaced. "Trust me, this couch is not meant to be slept on." 

Whining a little, Alex followed Kara and an unconscious Lena into her room. Gently, Kara placed Lena in the middle as Alex pulled the covers back. Both girls followed suit, snuggling under the comforter. Kara threw an arm over Lena, who woke for a brief second. "You're back already?" She whispered.

Kara pressed her nose against Lena's. "Of course, now go to sleep." She kissed Lena's lips lightly before sleep took its hold again. Alex silently watched the two fondly. She reached across Lena and grabbed Kara's hand. "She had a rough day didn't she?" Her sister didn't answer. "Another anxiety attack?"

"You know?" 

Kara smiled sadly, "I hear her heartbeat sometimes, it was going wild this morning. I'm glad you found her." 

"How much did you hear?" Alex shuffled closer. She laid on her side to curl into Lena who grumbled lightly from her dream. Her hand moving from Kara's grasp to Lena's shoulder. 

"Not much, just you finding her and taking her home. I just wanted to make sure she was okay." 

Alex laughed a little, "Funny, she didn't want you to find out for the same reason, to make sure you were alright."

Kara kissed the top of Lena's head lightly. "I'm not ok, but that doesn't mean her feelings don't matter either. We're working on it, together." 

Sighing softly, Alex closed her eyes too. "That's good. But Kar?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't push her too hard about it ok? She's still a little fragile."

Kara closed her eyes, still wearing a small smile from hearing Alex's protective nature over Lena. "I know. Good night, dork." She only got a snore in response.

That's how the sun found them that morning, all cuddled securely into each other. This time, when Lena woke up she found herself protected on either side by the Danvers sisters as they held onto her tightly. Alex's head was tucked against the apex of her back while Kara's chin was resting lightly on the top of her head. 

Lena smiled, she wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos appreciated! Thanks for reading! Check out my other works if you like :)


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